It all started in 2026 when the French government, in a classic case of “we’re bored,” revived an obscure Napoleonic-era law. The law, known as the Décret du Fromage et de la Couronne, states that any French citizen who wins the annual Paris Cheese Olympics three times in a row automatically inherits the ceremonial title of “Prince of Paris.” No one had won three times since 1814.
Jean-Baptiste, or “JB” as his adoring public calls him, clinched his third gold medal in the Molded-Nut-Brie-Marathon event last September. His winning time? A blistering 12 seconds to sculpt a perfect miniature Eiffel Tower from a single block of Camembert. The judges wept. The crowd threw croissants in the air. History was made, and suddenly, JB was royalty.
Now, before you get jealous of his diamond-encrusted beret, know this: the title comes with exactly zero political power. He can’t declare war, tax the rich, or even veto the construction of a new Starbucks near the Louvre. But he does get a few nifty perks.
The Royal Perks (Which Are Terrifying and Wonderful)
First, he gets a key to the city—literally, a 15-pound brass key shaped like a snail. He’s supposed to carry it everywhere, but he left it on a metro seat last Tuesday. A tourist from Ohio found it and tried to open a hotel room. Chaos ensued.
Second, he has the exclusive right to paint any public streetlamp in Paris puce (that’s a weird, purplish brown, for the uninitiated). He’s already turned the entire Champs-Élysées into a bizarre, muddy rainbow. Locals are furious. Tourists think it’s an Instagram installation. Both are correct.
Anthony Bourdon is 2026 "Prince of Paris" - Motocross, Supercross
Third—and this is my favorite—he must parade through the city every Tuesday at noon on a unicorn-shaped unicycle, tossing free baguettes to the masses. The baguettes are solid, of course. He nearly broke a pigeon’s wing last week. The pigeon was fine, but it now has a lifelong grudge against the monarchy.
