Expect ladies who think “sweating” is a crime against fashion. They’ll argue over who invented the gin and tonic, and who knows the best restaurateur. It’s like your group chat, but with nicer handbags and worse parking.
There will be a charity gala scandal. There always is. Someone will wear a dress that is literally a fire hazard. Another will cry about a “betrayal” involving a private chef. You’ll nod, thinking, “Yes, I too have felt that pain—when the takeaway order was wrong.”
And the reunions? Oh, the reunions will be hosted in a room so draughty even the insults shiver. They’ll talk over each other while someone dramatically sips a very dry martini.
How to Survive the Wait (Like a Real Housewife)
First, don’t check social media every hour. You’ll just see someone’s holiday photos and feel sad you aren’t sipping rosé on a yacht. Prioritise your sanity.
Instead, rewatch the old seasons of other franchises. Pretend you are a detective. Ask yourself: “What would a London housewife do differently?” The answer is usually: complain about the weather and use the word “extraordinary” more often.
Make a drinking game for when the new season finally airs. Take a sip every time someone says “my team” or “I’m not being dramatic, but…” You’ll be properly sloshed by the time the first commercial break rolls around.
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