The pool is the star of the show, and it’s a glorious, watery soap opera. You have the lane swimmers, who act like they’re training for the Olympics while dodging a rogue rubber duck from the toddler pool. Then there’s the flume, a twisty yellow slide that makes you feel like a human Pez dispenser. Pro tip: if you go down it with your arms crossed, you’ll spin so fast you’ll forget your own name.
But here’s the surprising fact: the pool uses Malvern’s own spring water. That’s right—the same water that supposedly cured Queen Victoria’s headaches now gets up your nose when a six-year-old cannonballs next to you. Fancy a sip of history? Just open your mouth at the wrong moment. It’s free hydration!
The “Lazy River” (That Isn’t Lazy at All)
They have a “Lazy River” feature, which is a gentle current that’s supposed to let you float along like a contented otter. In reality, it’s a battleground where pensioners with noodles wage war against teenagers trying to film TikToks. The current is just strong enough to drag your swimsuit down a few inches, which is a lovely surprise. I saw a man lose his floatation belt to a nine-year-old girl; she didn’t even look back.
Splash Leisure Centre Malvern at Emma Gibney blog
