Look, I’m not your mom (probably). If you’re in the thick of it—lying on the cold bathroom tile, praying to the porcelain gods—and the only thing in your fridge is tonic water, go for it. A few sips won’t kill you, and the burp might be the highlight of your evening.
But don’t buy a new bottle with the intention of curing future stomach woes. Keep it for the gin, for the fancy mocktails, for that one friend who always asks for a “bitter soda.” Your stomach is a delicate ecosystem, not a chemistry experiment.
So next time your belly is on the fritz, save the tonic water for a better day. Your future self—the one not groaning on the floor—will thank you. And if you do drink it, just remember to accept your fate: you’re a tonic water gambler, and the house always wins.
