You’ll get a mysterious phone call from a number that says “Unknown.” This is not a scam, though it feels like one. They’ll ask you to attend a gruelling two-day audition bootcamp, where you’ll play psychological games, answer weird questions (“If you were a food, what food would betray you?”), and eat stale sandwiches. Most people fail here because they cry or laugh at the wrong moment. Tip: cry anyway. Drama is currency.
If you survive that, you’ll be invited to a remote Scottish castle for filming. The actual castle is a fancy hotel. The “murders” are just people being sent to a separate lounge with a non-alcoholic cider. And the dramatic banishments? They’re filmed three times from different angles. But don’t tell anyone that—it ruins the magic. Oh, and the prize money? It’s £120,000, but you’ll probably split it with someone and then argue about it on Instagram for the rest of your life. Worth it.
So go on, record that video. Tell them you’re “devastatingly charming and suspiciously sweaty.” The worst they can say is no. The best? You get to wear a velvet cloak and whisper “I voted for you” while someone else cries. That’s the dream.
