Here’s your quick-cheat list for five people: 7 to 8 pounds whole, or 3 to 4 pounds boneless breast. Thaw it properly, cook it low and slow, and don’t panic. You’ve got this. Even if the turkey ends up a little dry, you can drown it in gravy, and everyone will still love you.
Remember: the meal is about the people, not the bird. So invite your five favorite folks, crank up some music, and enjoy the chaos. And if all else fails, order pizza. Because a turkey can’t compete with pizza’s perfect cheese-to-crust ratio—but it sure tries its best. Now go forth and roast that glorious bird. You’re going to be amazing.
