Many adults spike their eggnog with bourbon, rum, or brandy. Alcohol is a diuretic, meaning it makes you pee more. That can actually dehydrate you, which is a one-way ticket to constipation-town. Your colon needs water to push things along, and booze steals that water right out of your kidneys.
On the flip side, a tiny amount of alcohol can relax your gut muscles, which might help if you’re already backed up. But let’s be real: nobody pours a “tiny splash” of rum into their eggnog. You’re pouring a “festive glug.” So, you’re basically throwing a party for your stomach and then asking it to clean up the mess immediately. It’s a bad plan.
Why Your Body Turns Into a Grinch
Here’s the honest, relatable truth: if you’re prone to constipation, eggnog is a trigger food—not a direct cause for everyone, but a very common accomplice. Your body is basically saying, “Listen, I love the vibe, but I hate the result.” It’s like wearing itchy wool pants to a formal dinner: you look great, but you’re suffering in silence.
I had a coworker once who swore she could “feel the eggnog settling” in her stomach like concrete. She wasn’t wrong. The combination of thick dairy, sugar, and the fact that you’re usually drinking it instead of eating a balanced meal can create a perfect storm. Your gut goes into hibernation mode.
How Does Louisiana Like Its Eggnog? There Are a LOT of Thoughts
